Held...

Dear Jayde...
You never knew me on this earth, but I certainly knew you. I remember the day you were born. I remember that you were born too soon. I remember that in the midst of being at the hospital begging God to spare the life of my own little grandson, and keep him in my daughter's womb a little longer, how I wandered into the corridor in the middle of the night while she slept. It was March and it was cold. The linoleum floors held the cold and it was dark and quiet. I fell to my knees and begged the Father to watch over you and your brother, Kanyon. I cried out to Him on your behalf. I cried for hours. I could not even imagine a baby born at 25 weeks...especially twins. But, I did know that with all the amazing science there is now, that there are ways to keep babies on this earth. I asked everyone I knew to pray hard and continuously, and watched in amazement as the prayer map filled up. So many people lifting up your family to our Father. As I wrestled with your pain that night, I could not even begin to imagine what your mommy and daddy and your family was going through. All I knew was that the information on your mommy's blog was positive...the calls we were receiving shared hope. I remember when we found out that you were gone. I wondered how your mommy would ever survive such a loss. I pictured in my mind God's decision to reach down and bring your little soul into His arms...and I wept.
As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, I have followed your brother's life very closely through your mommy's writings. I have watched him grow in photos. I am filled with such joy every time I read about a new milestone - laughter at his funny expressions - and thankfulness everytime I remember how God has blessed your family's life through him. I even got to see your sweet mommy a few weeks ago when she came to town. And, every time I read about Kanyon, I think of you. I think of how you must be smiling down on your brother...his own little guardian angel. I know you are such a big part of all that Kanyon is - your sweet little spirit has been in him as he has fought his way through his first year. And he is so strong. And so are your daddy and mommy and all your family.
You are held by our Father...you are already experiencing the kingdom that we all look forward to. I imagine you there with all of your mommy and daddy's relatives who are there, too. I imagine Jesus gathering all the little ones around Him and sharing sweet stories and I know you are right there.
Today is your brother's birthday...your's too. And even though you are not here to celebrate this day, you are still a reason to celebrate. You are the hope we all have of seeing the Father. You will be there when your family comes and they will know you fully. And, I like to think that I will have the privilege of knowing you, too. You fought the good fight bravely...and you finished the race...and now you have the prize we all seek.
So, happy birthday, sweet Jayde. I pray that you will move in your mommy and daddy's hearts today and they will be comforted by knowing that you are being held in the arms of Jesus.

If you have never read Kanyon's and Jayde's story, check out their blog at http://www.thephillipsphamily.blogspot.com/ - you'll be so blessed by this continuing journey of faith, sadness, healing, hope and love.