I miss you...

Later this morning, i will go and do the most difficult thing i have ever had to do...make funeral arrangements for the love of my life. My precious, precious Roy passed away during a catastrophic triple bypass on Thursday night. Oh, how my heart aches to just have a little more time with the only man i have every loved. But I know that he is whole again, and that he is loving being with his dad, who he lost at the tender age of 16. I am certain that his dad and mom met him at the gates to the most beautiful kingdom he has every seen, and ushered their firstborn into his new home. I know that God will guide us down this difficult road, but i miss him...terribly. My heart is broken...i just wasn't ready for him to go...but he was. His fight had been difficult...too many battles for one man to face...and his sweet body just gave out. He blessed my life for 30 years and gave me 3 wonderful children, 2 amazing stepsons and 6 beautiful grandchildren. I miss him...so much.

Our help comes from the Lord...

Originally posted on facebook on Tuesday, October 27

As I sit in the dark of a cool, quiet hospital room, listening to the love of my life work on every breath he takes, I am reminded of all the sweet times the Lord has been our help..in times of trouble, in times of plenty, in times of sorrow, in times of despair, in times like this.
After a very long night last night, we prayed the morning would bring us answers. Those answers weren't quite what we thought they'd be, but they were the very answers that would save his life. Last night, his heart enzymes were normal, and the thought was possibly pneumonia, problems due to congestive heart failure, fluid buildup, but the heart looked okay...on the ekg, the bloodwork, with the stethescope. His blood pressure was high but with the breathing difficulty, that was expected. His blood sugar soared to a final high of 334, for no apparent reason, and has bobbled up and down all day, even with the insulin. His sweet nurse, Sondra, came in and said they were going to draw the enzymes again just to be sure and in just a short time, she was back telling us that they were re-drawing them and that we were going to the cath lab...WHAT????? Dr. Duran, Roy's longtime cardiologist, came and explained that Roy was having a heart attack at that moment and that they had to go in and fix whatever was going on or risk more heart damage. Everything moved quickly and we settled in with friends and family to wait for the call. When they called us back, Emily and I waited to speak with the doctor. Not the usual routine...usually we were led right to Roy to discuss what he had done to "fix" things. Instead, we saw somber faces and no one said anything. When the doc came out he told us to come on back. I stood at my precious love's side with our Emily right there...and then he said it...we have a problem, several of them. Roy already knew what he was going to say and tears streamed down his face. And then I knew...Roy would need another bypass operation to save his life. The bypasses from 1999 have long since scarred over and peripheral veins have formed to compensate. But the other 3 are now affected. And it's the big ones. I thought he was going to tell me that he had put more stents in..that's what he always says. But not this time...he needs the surgery and he needs as soon as possible. Roy's heart has functioned at a low capacity for quite a while...the reason they put in a defribillator in 2007. Now, it is pumping at about 20%. His heart is so sick. But, first, the other problems have to be addressed...and fast. So, we began making the calls to Christine, Brad, Roy's sons Mike and Mark, who live so far away. And then we spent the afternoon and evening together making lists...lots of them. My sister, Marianne, would handle things at my house...Christine would begin copying down all the little notes that I have made on scrap paper and keep up with everything that is said...Emily spent the whole day with me, encouraged us all, along with sweet Clint. Brad arrived with the laptop so we can watch movies, listen to all his Christian/Gospel music on his computer, cure my insomnia with a bit of facebook! Melissa Jo and Mary Kate brought their precious smiles and loved on Uncle Roy. Jack and Sam came up and performed shows behind the pull curtain by the door. Christine brought a casserole and they even let Roy eat a little. Key family members were missing but not far away in our hearts. People came and went...each offering such sweet prayers for all of us...and our sweet precious Roy. The surgeon came by...love him! He stayed a long time and answered our questions. Told us that we're shooting for Thursday. So the journey continues...tomorrow will be tests, bloodwork, lung evaluation, sugar checks, and the continual friend, Mr. Oxygen.
I won't tell you I'm okay with this...we've dealt with this for many years...he's our rock...he's our hero...he's dad, daddy, grandpa, pappy, "hey you", brother, son, American hero...with a heart so sweet that it seems so wrong that it is so broken.
But, we know...our help comes from the Lord. We will continue to pray and enjoy laughter and smiles and hugs...and we will give this to Him. We will wait for His answer...we will trust that He will be with the doctors, nurses, techs, and anyone else who is involved with this...and with Roy. When we give our "see you later" kisses and hugs, we will wait...and pray..and hope...and think of the wonderful blessing he is to so many. Please join us at any time in a continual season of prayer until the last tube has been removed, the last cut healed, the last IV removed, until we have our Roy back with us.

In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus...when I am alone, give me Jesus...you can have all of this world...but give me Jesus.

You be blessed today...you are all such blessings to us...

Word of God...Speak

I love this song. While I can't put my thoughts and feelings into words right now, this song says it all for me. It'll take a while to listen to it, but I hope you are as blessed by it as I am.

"...finding myself, at a loss for words...and the funny thing...it's okay."

Be blessed today...

A Tale from Seussville...

Waiting for weeks for the big celebration...when everyone finally got back from vacation. The party was planned, with so much to do...to celebrate our sweet Thing 1 and Thing 2!


For Jack who turned 5 and Sam who turned 2, this was more than the regular hoop-de-doo! Now Jack, he loves the Cat in the Hat...and really, what could be better than that! And for those who love Green Eggs and Ham...we have the real Sam-I-Am!

Who would have thought with all there was to do...mommy would have time to find THE cake for Thing 1 and Thing 2! (and boy, was it yummy...for all of our tummies!)


Thing 1 and Thing 2 arrived in style...with a hand-me-down jeep, and tons of great smiles!


From Spiderman to Seuss, the pinata changed in a flash, too! Aunt Whitney and Shelby knew just what to do! Swinging at it as it turned round and round...the best part about it was when the candy hit the ground!


Sack races and baseball, who needs more than that....



Except for maybe...a visit from the Cat in the Hat!!!!


With our friends and family, we celebrated the fun...and then when the party and eating was done...





We sat back and smiled and realized how true...we are so very blessed by Thing 1 and Thing 2!

Seriously?

It's been a while...so much has been happening. It's been an "up and down" couple of months, but God is good and we are hanging in there.

We are totally immersed in Summer Spectacular at church and so excited to see all that God will do this year, as the story of Esther comes to life. Childcare is in full swing, and the classes are full. My staff continues to amaze me with their dedication to their work and their love for the kids and their desire to share God's sweet words with them. I am blessed...

My uncle Bill lost his valiant fight earlier this spring, and it was painful for us. But, for him, the battle is over and the victory belongs to him and he now feels no more pain and his body is whole. I was able to travel with my parents and my uncle Charles to Houma, LA for his funeral and though the circumstances were sad, the time together was so sweet. Perhaps one of the sweetest things was when we were all in the backyard together and the grandchildren released balloons to heaven with messages to their pappy. I'll never look at a balloon in the sky the same again...

Our family enjoyed a wonderful Memorial Day holiday at the farm and almost 40 of us hung out together, visited, ate, fished, and realized how fast time flies by...

These past few days have been a little rough for me - I haven't been feeling that well, and I hate it when this happens. I always feel bad complaining because there are others in far worse situations than I am in...but dealing with chronic back pain and asthma can sometimes be just exhausting. I love Paul's writing where he reminds me that he learned to be content in his circumstances, and I try to do that. But, sometimes, I just get tired. Tonight, after dealing with a horrible headache all day, that is still hanging on, which came as a result of a treatment to make my back feel better (seriously?), I began to talk to God and just tell Him thank you for all my sweet blessings...you know, instead of counting sheep? That has never worked for me.

And here are a few that caused me to get up and get on the computer...things I wanted to write down...because they were just too important...

I love my sweet husband, Roy. This man works like a horse, loves unconditionally, cares beyond measure, and has a loyalty that cannot be measured. He endures criticism, curt remarks, and sarcasm from people who should not be dishing it out...and yet, he never says a bad word about them or the things that may have hurt his feelings. He's a good guy...and I would not be the person I am today had he not been in my life...

I love my kids. I am so happy for Christine and for the fact that she seems to be feeling a little better these days. I love to watch her mother her boys, and be a wife who loves her husband. These days, that is really something to see. Jack and Sam...our eternal gifts of promise. I love how she is a fighter...she doesn't give up on herself or anyone else. Her boys and her husband are her priority and her love for the Lord is so evident in all she does. Her unfailing devotion to family and friends is remarkable...and she married a prince. I love my sweet Emily...born to be a servant. In a world where people are always looking out for number one...she works to make others feel like they are number one. She is fun, fun-loving, loyal, silly, and someday, when her prince comes...he will one lucky guy! I love Bradley...he hates that I call him a mama's boy...but he is always willing to do whatever I need him to do. He's not afraid to stand up for his dad and his sisters...and for his mama. He, too, will make someone a good prince one day...but she'll have to be pretty special.

I love my parents...they were picked especially for me...I love my older sister, and her wonderful husband...she lives too far away, and has blessed me with 5 wonderful nieces and nephews, whose lives I have missed way too much of...but I love them so...I love my baby brother and his sweet wife and their 3 boys...3 examples that God's love is a continual stream of blessing...and my baby sister...wow, what would life be without her...God knew we needed her in our lives...and her sweet husband and their precious little girls. My only "great" nephew...Noah...growing up too fast...doesn't really know me, but his name is on my lips in prayer every day. He's precious...

Blessed beyond measure with a wonderful family, precious friends, a church family that steps out into this world and loves God's people...I wonder sometimes how I got so lucky...then I remember, it's not luck...but sheer blessing.

I hope you count your blessings today...

My faith looks up to Thee...

These words have been fresh on my heart for several weeks now. One of my favorite "old" hymns that still says it all today..."my faith looks up to Thee, thou lamb of Calvary...Savior divine..."

The past few weeks have been difficult. My sweet Uncle Al was seriously injured in a car accident, suffering a broken neck, broken back, a "degloved" hand, and a broken arm. He is so very special to me. When Roy, Christine and I moved back to Texas from Iowa, we lived with Uncle Al and Aunt Nini and their girls, Leann and Kristi. They are such a wonderful part of our family and I pray daily for his complete recovery.

In early February, our family lost a precious friend...Suity. We lived across the alley in Whitewright, Texas for several years while my daddy coached there. I remember so much about her. She had the most gorgeous red hair, the most infectious laugh, and was such a lady. She is the first woman I can remember being allowed to call by her first name, instead of "Mrs...". Her daughter, Tressa, affectionately known to all then as Dumpy (short for Dumpling), babysat us, was a cheerleader, and went to the prom with my Uncle Al who lived with us for a time. Her son, Will, was my sister's first crush...don't deny it, Donna! He didn't get to play for my dad, because we had moved away from there before he had the chance, but he did play at East Texas and for the Cleveland Browns and we followed him closely in both places. Truth be told, he was probably my first crush too! Her husband, Joe, adored her. Her trusty beagles obeyed her. And we all cried when we lost her.

When we went back for her funeral service, my brother, David, and I stood in her back yard and looked across the alley at the yard where we had played, skinned knees, waited for warm sugar cookies at the neighbor's house. We remembered Arnold and Frances, who so lovingly cared for David when we were in school, and who became extra grandparents to each of us...they moved into our old house and lived there in their later years. We drove downtown where Donna and I could walk, barefoot, to the snowcone stand, or go to the drugstore for a milkshake, or walk to the feed store and visit mama. We passed the old football field where we watched so many practices and cheered at so many games. As we drove out of town, we looked at all the "old" places, some now replaced with "new" places...some the same as when we left. And even though we wouldn't change anything we have in our lives now, it was kind of sad. It's like the town stopped in the 60's...when innocence was the norm and kids were safe. When I think of Whitewright, Texas, I will always remember Suity...and I will miss her.

We lost a precious newborn in our church family who fought valiantly for 13 days. I was at the hospital when Cash Samuel Collins was born and we all prayed that his fight would be strong and that God would heal him. And when he went home to be with Jesus, sadness overwhelmed us. So tiny, so new, so fresh...and now so safely in the arms of Jesus.

"...now hear me while me while I pray...take all my guilt away..."

On the same day Cash was born, my daddy had his eye operation. He has healed beautifully, and we are so thankful for that. And so thankful for my mama...his very own "Florence Nightingale"!

My dear friend, Sharon Washburn, was also diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer. She is one of those friends who you don't have to see all the time. We became friends when our daughters, Taylor and Emily, were friends at FWC. She always has the sweetest smile and warmest hugs. She has been such an encouragement to me through Christine's trials. She loves Christine so deeply and even while Sharon is suffering through the unknown, sitting in the chemo chair, she is praying for my daughter and for others who need the Lord's help. Her fight is just beginning, but her warrior is the One who can win all battles, all wars. We will stand in the gap with her and I ask you to pray for her each and every day.

My precious Uncle Bill, my mama's older brother, is very ill also. He has fought with his health for many years and valiantly fought through removal of part of his lung this past year. His body is tired...he has fought the good fight. I pray that God will carry him through these days with a loving hand and a knowledge that his heavenly home is waiting. I miss him...praying that I can make a quick trip with my parents down there very soon.

And, for the past 4 weeks, I have been fighting the flu, which was accompanied by bronchitis. This past week, I was rushed in an ambulance to the hospital with heart attack symptoms, but which actually turned out to be a serious asthma attack. I have suffered through a stroke, a heart attack, my husband's illness, my daughter's chronic suffering, my parent's illnesses, 2 very premature grandbabies,and so many other things, but I don't think I have ever been that afraid. Asthma is tricky in adults. It can shut you down in literally minutes. I don't want to be afraid, for I know that God is certainly in control.

"oh...let me from this day...be wholly thine." Be WHOLLY thine...completely belong to the Father...let Him work His plan and be a willing servant when He calls. And do not fear...

I don't post this for sympathy, or for the "oh, poor you" response...but this reason alone...

"MY FAITH LOOKS UP TO THEE"...the one who can heal each of us...and the one who comforts us when He cannot.

Be blessed today...

To my 3 readers....

Okay, for all of you who have been holding your breath, waiting with much anticipation, about to give up...here it is...my holiday post.

It began with the Fort Worth Christmas Parade on the Friday after Thanksgiving...what fun!


Marianne, M Jo and M Kate went along and we sure had fun! (the look on M Kate's face cracks me up!!!)


And on the day of the Cookie Swap (earlier post below), we went to the Mall to see Melissa Jo sing with the Fort Worth Christian Honor Choir...so proud of her! Our favorite Santa showed up too!


At the Cookie Swap, the whole family got in on the fun!


The Cookie Swap began with Emily and Melissa Jo Emily coming up with the idea 5 years ago...


In this family, Christmas is celebrated on more than one day, depending on whose year it is to be here, etc. In late October, since Matt and Christine would be spending Christmas with the Pinson/Whitfield family this year, Emily suggested that me and Roy and she and Brad travel to South Dakota to visit our son, Mike and his family. So we did. But, before we left, we had our Christmas celebration with our immediate family in Grapevine at my brother David's house. This is always lots of fun, because my sister-in-law, Lisa, prepares lots of yummy snacks and her house is always so pretty. We just love this time together.

Sam loves his great-grandpoppa...


Getting ready for our fabulous meal...


Me, my girls and my sweet Mama...



Sam and his buddy Nathan...


Waiting for presents...


Uncle David gave Jack these glasses to protect him from his fear of the dog...they light up and before the night was over, he didn't need them anymore!


Auntie Emily just can't get enough of her Jack...


And Sam loved his UNC Tarheel ball from cousin Noah...



The very next morning, we were off for South Dakota...


And even though it was Christmas, Logan wanted to make sure we got a good look at his Halloween costume...


One of the sweetest moments of the holiday, and I think of my life, was when Roy gave Jackson one of his war medals. In Vietnam, Roy was a helicopter pilot and was awarded the Air Medal for completing over 900 hours of combat flight. Jackson was so touched by this gift and it was so sweet to see Roy, Mike and Jackson share a bit of the past together. Mike was just over a year old when Roy was in Vietnam.


The snow was good and the sledding was fun...


Our time together was priceless...


Driving home in a blizzard was not such fun...but did make a great photo!


New Year's Eve was a sweet celebration for Roy and I and our favorite little Pinsons...


New Year's Day was another huge family celebration with lots of cousins, aunts and uncles, and our final Christmas with Jack and Sam...


Jack and I love to cook together, so these great aprons will come in handy!


Yes, they are all adults, but I am always looking for a photo op...


I love my sweet family...


Well, if you made it all the way through, congratulations. This may be a record post for me!

Be blessed...